Therapy Approach
Psychodynamic Therapy
Psychodynamic therapy looks at how earlier relationships and experiences show up in the way you think, feel and connect with people now. Vanessa Gross, LMFT, uses it to help you spot patterns that keep repeating and understand what they once did for you. From there, you can start trying something different.
How Past Relationships Shape the Present
Early relationships teach lessons nobody says out loud, such as whether your needs will be met or whether it is safe to disagree. Some children learn that affection depends on getting things right. Those lessons made sense at the time, and many of them turn into habits that run without you noticing.
Someone who grew up where conflict meant shouting may go quiet at the first sign of tension, even with a kind partner. That reaction protected them once. As an adult, it can leave important things unsaid and leave the partner confused about what went wrong.
Vanessa's attachment-based work looks closely at exactly this: how early bonds shape what you expect from the people closest to you.
Noticing Patterns That Keep Repeating
Much of psychodynamic work is noticing threads that run through different parts of your life. You might describe a conflict with a coworker and a tense call with your mother in the same session. Looking at them side by side, you may notice you handled both the same way.
Once you can see a pattern as it starts, you get a moment of choice where there used to be an automatic reaction. Some patterns that often come up in this work:
- Doing most of the giving in friendships, then quietly resenting it.
- Feeling uneasy with praise, while criticism feels oddly familiar.
- Pulling back from people right as they start getting close.
- Acting like your teenage self within an hour of a family visit.
- Apologizing for things that were never your fault.
The Therapy Relationship as Information
Patterns from other relationships often show up with your therapist too. You might apologize for taking up time, or feel you need to bring something impressive to each session. You might worry Vanessa is annoyed when you need to reschedule.
Vanessa wants the relationship to be genuine and open in both directions, so these moments can be talked about as they happen. Saying "I was worried you'd be irritated" to someone who responds with interest gives you practice at a conversation that may feel much harder elsewhere.
What Psychodynamic Sessions Are Like
Psychodynamic sessions tend to be more open-ended than skills-based ones. You usually start with whatever is on your mind, and Vanessa listens for themes and for feelings that seem bigger than the moment. She also notices which topics are hard to talk about.
There is less homework and more reflection. Understanding builds across sessions, as stories you have told before start connecting in ways you had not seen.
Pairing Psychodynamic Work With Skills
Vanessa describes her aim as "genuine growth at a pace that meets my client where they are at while still challenging old patterns that feel comfortable." Understanding where a pattern came from and changing what you do are two different tasks, and she often works on both.
Insight can explain why saying no feels risky. A skill gives you the actual words to use when your sister asks for another favor.
A session might move from a memory of being the responsible child in your family to rehearsing a boundary with DBT skills. Another might focus on testing a feared outcome with CBT. Some people want mostly one kind of work, and the balance can shift as therapy goes on.
When Psychodynamic Therapy Is a Good Fit
It often suits people who keep running into the same relationship problems. It also suits people who have learned plenty of coping tools and want to understand why they keep needing them.
It fits people who are, in Vanessa's words, "open to interesting dialog and discussions" about themselves. If your main goal is quick relief from one specific problem, a more structured approach may make sense first. The deeper questions can wait until you are ready for them.
Questions
Frequently Asked Questions
Most sessions start with what is happening in your life now: an argument, a decision, a reaction that surprised you. The past comes in when it helps explain why something today hits harder than it seems it should. You decide how much of your history to share, and when.
Patterns grow out of ordinary experiences too: a parent who was loving but always busy, a sibling who needed more attention, a family where nobody talked about feelings. Psychodynamic work looks at what you learned from your particular history, whatever it was. It also looks at how those lessons play out in your relationships, your work and your sense of yourself.
They share roots, but they look quite different in practice. Psychoanalysis traditionally means lying on a couch and meeting several times a week. Psychodynamic therapy with Vanessa is a back-and-forth conversation by secure video, focused on how patterns affect your life now. It also combines easily with the other approaches she uses.
Related Pages
Relationship Issues
Individual online therapy in Texas for relationship patterns, including conflict, boundaries, attachment, dating, friendships and family.Read MoreRelationship Feels Stuck
Why couples end up having the same argument on repeat or living like roommates, what keeps them there, and what can help.Read More
People-Pleasing
Where people-pleasing often starts, what it costs, small ways to practice saying no, and how therapy can help you change the pattern.Read More
ACT
ACT helps you make room for difficult thoughts and feelings and put your energy into what matters, using values, willingness, defusion and committed action.Read More
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